Books and Coffee

I love to read in a crowded place overlooking the concrete city in a stir, where I let the books swallow me in, one word at a time. The inane conversations I couldn't help overhearing minutes ago, are now a soft buzz in a distance that I can't seem to make sense of anymore. The city lights now in bokeh, seem to augment my already vivid imagination and just like that, I am floating across space, on my way to a reality that seems so much more real to me than the one I already belong to.

If you ever look for me in a crowded place, I will be the girl at a corner table with a forgotten cup of coffee and lost eyes. You will find me, but barely.

Trees

On my way to a place
I longed to reach,
I saw the world in reverse.
Trees passed by -
Tall trees in the woods;
Dark and mystical,
Leading lines
To the mountains
I was so close to reaching.
Tall trees,
Silhouettes in dusk
Leaning to whisper
In my ear
The tales spun
By frail footprints..
Like reminders
Of the almosts
In the twilight tint.
They passed by
One after the other,
Tall trees
That left me longing,
Only this time
For all that had been.

Distance

On a dotted map
Made of disarrayed stars,
I will try to find my way to you.

One night
Maybe you'll look up too,
And in that moment,
Our worlds will collide

For we will be separated
By distance
But still be
Under the same sky.

Downpour

It all happened so fast,
I was in love before I could even realise.
One moment, he was just another person,
The next, he had me - heart and soul,
It was as if he had devoured me  whole

And I exploded like the sky
In a thunderstorm..

Suddenly, it wasn't drought anymore .

Resurrection 2.0

It may seem like I wrote nothing in 2015, like the entire year was a big writer's block but no. I wrote a lot, probably more than I had in the previous years. Just that I had been posting the writings on Instagram and had completely forgotten about the existence of this blog. However, with the new year and everything, I feel inspired to start writing here once again, for the 124 loyal followers I have and some other random readers. I have decided to post all my writings from last year here so expect A LOT of posts in bulk.

You can also follow my Instagram to keep up with my photography and poetry - @shruteechoudhary

P.S. Happy New Year! 

4 A.M.

Two cups of coffee, 

A typewriter, 

An array of thoughts, 

A sleepless night.

 

Beneath the Stars

With our gleamy eyes soaked in happiness, 

With our hands together, as they belong, 

With you by my side, and I by yours, 

On a dainty old rug. 

The wintry breeze kissing our faces, 

The leaves of the nearby tree, rustling in awe, 

Of the magic being created out of nothing, 

As we lie beneath the stars. 

Our gazes fixed on the vast dotted sky,

We almost breathe as one,

A moment so tranquil, 

We forget all our qualms.

My body shakes with nerves as I look at you, 

I'm drawn to your perfection like a bee to a flower;

The night, now bitterly cold,

But I'm blanketed with your warmth.

I trace your lips with my finger, 

Slowly as I close my eyes, 

I see love and all the feelings

That I already feel for you.

Birds flutter by out of nowhere,

Putting an end to the grandeur it was;

To whisper would be a sin,

For what if it flaws the brilliance of it all?

A moment unsullied,

Now almost dreamlike, 

Or a safe little secret we will always keep - 

Of a time when we laid beneath the stars.

Resurrection

This is to let you know that even though this blog has been in a coma for almost a year, it is still breathing. I am still alive, myself. I have been out of touch with the part of me that absolutely loves to pen things down lately. You'll say that's because maybe I am too caught up in my life, that maybe I just don't get enough time to actually sit myself down with a cup of coffee and word my thoughts. Maybe I haven't stumbled upon anything that would inspire me. Well, all of that is true, but do you really want to know what's been keeping me away from writing?

Happiness.

Yeah, that's right. In the last few months I have been the happiest a person can ever afford to be, and that is because of a person of course. How does that have anything to do with me writing, you ask? It's simple. I think that it's really difficult to write a piece when you're happy as compared to when you've something bothering you or when your life isn't all that perfect. That's when you even look for inspiration. But when you're happy, like really, really happy, you're at peace with the part of yourself that you otherwise always seem to have a conflict with. It's not like you cannot write about your current state of bliss, it's just that you choose not to. You'd rather feel the feeling than talk about it, that is all.

So lately, I haven't been analyzing my feelings or my thoughts, which explains why I just went into hibernation. But now with the new year and everything, I am here to write again. I don't know what good it will be but I promise, I'll write something or the other every few weeks. I promise not to isolate this place ever again. I could almost hear crickets chirping in here!

To the few loyal readers who are very fond of this blog, I am back for you.

P.S. Happy New Year!

Dissolve.

She trembled in her heels as she walked on the sidewalk, trying to maintain her poise. Her mouth went dry and she cursed herself for not carrying a bottle of water. The street was crowded with people and her mind, with superfluous thoughts. She was reluctant to let her mind ponder over what was happening, for she feared it might only be a figment of her imagination, maybe none of this was actually happening, that maybe if she gave it another thought, she'd realize it was unreal. She finally managed to reach the Cafe, after stumbling and tripping a plenty of times over plain concrete. She took a moment and stood right outside the door, gasping for breath more than ever. She scanned the room from where she stood, wanting to see his face finally and not wanting to spot him at the same time.

She was still utterly perplexed by the phone call she had received the night before. "So, I'm coming. And I'd like to meet you." Those words had left her baffled. Not that she wouldn't be happy to see him. Oh, she'd be overjoyed. But somehow, she was comfortable with the idea of him being a someone from a somewhere, a stranger from a strange place somewhere far away. She liked how she could escape from her life for a little while and talk to him about bigger things. He helped her drift away from reality by not being a part of it. He was that getaway she had needed and now he'd be a part of the life she loved to run away from.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she saw a familiar face, the face she had only seen in pictures. The face that now seemed to be in a GIF image, for he was sitting by himself at a corner table, checking the time every five breaths. Every atom in her body wanted to escape her, in that moment. But taking a deep breath, she gathered herself and decided to walk in before she could change her mind.

She did change her mind, but it was too late. The sound of the bustling traffic had now been replaced by soft music. People all around were sipping coffees over inane conversations, but all she could hear was the loud thumping sound that came from inside her chest. This was it. Within a few seconds, the voice she was so familiar with would now come from a blood pumping-eye blinking-moving-breathing body. As she tiptoed her way through towards him, she mentally enacted what was going to happen any moment now. She thought of ways to greet him - a short and plain "Hi" or a squeaky little "Hey" with a complimentary smile. Maybe the latter. What would she order? Not black coffee, that would make her hyper, no. Would a hug be too awkward?

She felt a tap on her shoulder right then and she turned around, only to see that perfect face in flesh smiling at her with coruscating eyes.

She escaped reality, all over again.

Love.

Love, 

Lumbers the soul,

Until the broken hearts swallow us whole. 

It enthralls with ecstasy,

Until we surrender to its efficacy.

An intruder, at times, 

Benevolent, the other.

So abominable, sometimes,

Resplendent, the other.

A moment of solace,

In a realm of daze.

Both the lull and the storm,

Achingly beautiful in every form. 

Breathtaking,

In happiness or sorrow,

A promise of a mirage-like tomorrow.

The smell of the first rain, 

The touch of fire;

Love is but a ravaging desire.

A contradiction of emotions,

It consumes us all -

The last leaf of the fall,

The first flower to blossom in the spring; 

Love,

It's a sanctuary,

In a sea of nothing.

Hoping for tomorrow.

I see your face, I drift away, 

In the sea of thoughts, I glance at a tomorrow;

The tomorrow where I have a chance to be with you. 

I hear the words you've never said, 

At a place where we've never even been..

We do the things we've never done, 

In the tomorrow, that is still unseen. 

A distant world it seems, 

like a translucent daydream.

I try to hold onto the view, 

Like a child trying to catch a dew, 

And as my heart knits the story,

I close my eyes.. 

I try to capture the glory - 

Of a  sight that has me mesmerised.

"Hello", you say,

The thoughts almost slip away, 

I clinch my eyes to make them stay, 

But they run down just like the sand,

Bringing me to reality from that unfamiliar, distant land.

I smile at you, while my heart frowns at today,

Where you and I do exist, just not together. 

And as you talk to me, I yearn to foresee, 

the faraway tomorrow, that might never really be. 

That Stranger in the Night.

There I was, standing at a corner in an awkward way, checking my watch every two minutes. That's how bored I was. That's how much I hated parties. I stood there daydreaming of being curled up on a couch, watching my favorite sitcom or just reading a good book. And Coffee. Oh how I'd do anything to get out of there!

I looked around the room, scanning each and every individual present there, meanwhile yawning. My face had less expression than that of a brick while one of my feet tapped to the beat of the superfluous 'music' in the room. Just then, a guy caught my attention, almost catching hold of my heart. He stood further away from me, towards the end of the room, gazing at his cell phone screen as if he'd be shot if he'd have looked anywhere else. He wasn't even typing - just staring at it. I took a sip from the dreadful mocktail I was having and kept looking at him. It felt good to have somebody in the room who seemed equally as awkward. Okay, he was attractive. Most guys in suits are, but there was something about him, I thought, even though he wasn't quite that visible from the distance. I continued to stare, finding him to be quite fascinating and also because I had nothing better to do. I walked towards him to have a closer look. He looked around with squinted eyes, as if searching for somebody. I continued to stare at him, now subconsciously, and I didn't even realize when his gaze met mine. My heart flipped, there was a tummy tornado and I was not even breathing. He looked at me for 8.2 seconds straight and I didn't even know why I counted. 
It was one of those indescribable moments of eye contact, that was immediately over-analyzed and inevitably misread. I quickly looked away and shifted my gaze to my friend, because of whom I had ended up there. She seemed to be having a great time, dancing. I looked back to where the guy was standing, almost in a reflex and he had already been staring. But this time, I didn't look away.

I don't know how long we stood there like that, with our eyes rested upon each other, it couldn't have been for more than five minutes. But in those five minutes and without having to utter any words, we had the kind of conversation many people don't have in a lifetime. Suddenly, that party didn't seem to be boring at all.

My friend then yelled and waved at me, "HEEEEEYYYY!" shattering the silence we had managed to bridge up in that noisy place. I looked at her and gave a hasty smile, quickly turning away.

Within a blink, he was gone.

"When I saw you, I fell in love and you smiled because you knew." - William Shakespeare.

That Moment.

It was a night so dreamy, so surreal, 

As they looked at each other and smiled,

Both so close, so shy,

A hint of fear had enveloped them, meanwhile.

A thousand miles had seemed like nothing,

For to kiss him, to hold him, to see him smile, she had come,

Happiness at its utmost, in that moment, almost,

It was a love more certain than the rising sun.

The beauty of the moment, so mesmerizing,

Had suddenly let the mysteries unravel,

The growing desires, as their fingers touched,

Had suddenly let all of the fears dishevel.

A kiss so soft, an embrace so warm,

Under the shelter of the velvet night sky,

The love growing stronger with them growing fonder,

With each passing minute, no words would ever deny. 

The world had never seemed so beautiful,

The sky so vast, the stars, the endless sea,

With him beside her, her head on his shoulder,

There wasn't another place she'd rather be.

And all was silent on that night,

Except for the waves crashing, the sound of them breathing. 

As he looked into her eyes and she into his, 

It seemed as if the world had stopped moving,

And a lifetime was lived right then - in the moment, in that sight.

Bittersweet Heartbreak.

There comes a time in your life when you think you have finally found the one. No, not when you're Ted Mosby though, then there's more than just one time you think that way. You finally begin to relate them to the silhouette of The One that you had in your dreams all this time and it all seems to make sense. You fall madly in love with them, with the fact that you have finally found who were looking for and of course, the situation. You are so overwhelmed with the happenings around you that you begin to lose yourself. Your brain seems to have been clogged by such surreal thoughts, you don't even question their existence. You are so lured by the perfectness of the moment that you get carried away in your assumptions. You begin to expect more from life and from that person. But once these expectations turn into disappointments, you sit there wondering what went wrong. 

This isn't how its supposed to be, you tell yourself. And when you realize that the person doesn't feel the same way for you, you KNOW this is just wrong. And it's just a bitter bitter heartbreak. 

Then out of nowhere, someone you had always known, comes as a savior, to make things better for you. That person has been in your life throughout but somehow went unnoticed until then. Day after day, you have beautiful conversations and  you cannot believe how similar you really are. You think similarly and at the same time, you both even complete each other's sentences. And yet, in spite of all of it being so surreal, you don't understand. Slightly later, things happen, as if by their own, beautifully knitting themselves to make the best moments of your life. You feel like you have no control over yourself or the situation and you are so surprised by all of it, that you don't even realize, that that person makes you laugh like nobody else and heals your hurting heart everyday. And when one day, at the most random moment, you notice them differently, you look back at those moments you had with them and you begin to realize what you had always known. You begin to wonder why you didn't notice them the way you do now. How someone, who is so perfect for you, could go unnoticed all this while. And then as you close your eyes and think of The One from your dreams, it's no more just a silhouette but a face - the face, you had always known, of this person from your reality. You finally know why it didn't work out with anybody else and you finally experience what you thought was only cliched, you live through those magical moments. As for the heartbreak you had a while ago, seems more like a bittersweet experience now. 

When you meet the right person, you don't really have to make attempts to impress them or have to think of ways to make them fall for you. When the time is right, the person walks into your life and the rest that happens is simply effortless and you both just fit together perfectly.

Everything happens for a reason. Relationships have a way of failing when they are not right. The wrong ones who you end up liking, have a way of leaving after a while, only to make way for the right person to come along under the right circumstances and at the right time; to make all your bitter heartbreaks turn sweet. They come into your life because they were meant to. They take care of you like no one ever has and love you more than anyone else in the world and you know they will save your heart from breaking, ever again.

Keeping Secrets.

I see it in your eyes,

Every time you look at me,

I hope you realize,

It's not that hard to see.

You see me catching my breath,

Every time you hold my gaze,

We know what lies underneath,

We know what has set us ablaze.

Sitting by so close,

We don't utter too many words,

As we fret to disclose,

What the silence has already spoken of.

I begin with my stories,

I then tell you of my plans,

I share with you all my worries,

As I think of you as my man.

You tell me your dreams, 

And your eyes meet mine,

The time pauses, it seems,

As our hearts intertwine. 

In this moonlit night,

There isn't much to say,

In this moment we're infinite,

We are flying away.

This moment is so beautiful,

though in a moment it will flee,

I try to capture it in words,

but it is indescribable to me.

As the time flies by,

Its time for us to leave,

You embrace me,

And give me more to believe.

We are meant to be,

No one will ever deny,

If we think this isn't love,

We'd probably lie.

We say the goodbyes,

Our hearts say so much more,

Words unspoken have said,

Everything we'd asked for.

When thoughts keep you company.

There are so many reasons why you think. In thoughts, you can travel to the past, to the most cherished memories that you've stored in your heart. You can be with someone, who is no more a part of your life. Or you can just travel ahead to a desired tomorrow and build up a something that you so badly crave for. 

Your thoughts are a temporary getaway from reality. They make you dream.

And thinking about a certain someone you love so much, makes you realize that person's worth in your life.

There's more to love than just claiming that person as yours. When you have deeply rooted feelings for someone, you find yourself being happy with the smallest of the things, like when you randomly have a dream about him, when he wishes you a good morning, calls up first to wish you on your birthday or when unwell, he keeps calling to check on you. Even a 'Hello' here and there, everyday, seems to relieve your heart. And even if he's away and you don't get to talk to him, you find yourself smiling, only thinking about him. 

I think about him quite often. It has become a part of my daily routine and also, it is one of my most favorite things to do. I think about the time we met, our conversations, his smile. I think of him when I miss him and at the most random times. When I am having a hard day, I suddenly get reminded of something that he had once said, and it helps.. even though he isn't really there. I hear a song and it takes me back to a certain moment I had with him, and I find myself being happy getting to relive it in a way. When I get lonely, his thoughts are always there to keep me company. 

I think about him every night and day, he's a habit that I just can't seem to get enough of. Everything he does or says is like magic to me, makes me smile right that moment. 

And all of it somehow makes me feel better, about myself, about us.

It helps me hold onto the hope, the hope of witnessing the tomorrow my thoughts have created, a memory that is yet to be lived.

Love, before the first sight.

Her part of the story:

Once upon a time, there was a girl who came across a boy on the internet. There was something about him, something quite different from the other boys she had known. They talked. And they talked more. He was turning out to be the kind of guy she had been wanting to know, all this time. They talked everyday. She started getting addicted to his voice. For once, she let him do the talking. She would just sit around, listening to the words coming out his mouth, smiling to herself. Closing her eyes every once in a while, she would try imagining him talking. It made her feel good. Gradually, they became good friends. Of course, she liked that. But there were days when she felt sad. Wondering why every time she could, she finally knew. He wasn't just a friend to her. She was falling for him. And suddenly, the vague face of the guy she wanted from her dreams seemed clearer. It was him. The guy she hadn't even met.

Days passed by, with them getting closer and closer and with her, falling harder and harder. 
She couldn't get herself into believing if at all it was possible, to fall in love with somebody she had barely physically met? 
But it indeed was - she herself was the example. And there was no stopping to it. 

She struggled everyday, as keeping her feelings to herself was getting tougher, day by day. She wanted to tell him about everything that had been going around in her head the whole time. She wanted to share with him the imaginary pictures that she had of them, together. She wanted to make him believe that he was the only guy she would ever want to marry. 

Every night, when she failed to do so, she wrote about every little thing that he did that made her feel happy. 
That helped her in keeping the hope that she had of them being together, ignited.

Months passed by and they still hadn't met. 
But she kept calm. She knew that it was all going slow for a reason. 

Finally, after four months of knowing each other, they decided to meet.
And they met.

The moment she first saw him, saw him for real - she knew right then - this was the guy she was going to be spending the rest of her life with. It sounds dreadfully cinematic but that's exactly how it was. 
When he held her hand for the first time, she wanted nothing more than to hold it forever. When he hugged her that first time, she didn't want to let go. 
And then, she watched him talk - in that amazing voice she had been hearing over the phone all this time. Funny how he turned out to be exactly the way she had pictured. Every now and then, their hands brushed against each others, making her heart skip beats. And just when she would try composing herself, their eyes would meet, making her go all breathless at once. 
They talked away the evening and it was such a delight. It all seemed beautifully surreal.
This meeting was the exact mental picture she had built up in her head. Rather, it was even better because it was real. In the end when it was time to leave, he hugged her so many times, making that evening, all the more unforgettable and significant. 
And then they said goodbye. 

Walking down the road, she thought about that one moment when she almost told him about her feelings.
He wanted to know and she really wanted him to know. Half of her wondered while the other half was still mesmerized by the moments she had just lived. His fragrance lingered all around her. His touch still felt fresh on her skin. His words still echoed in her ears... 

This was it, she decided. If at all he had to know about the way she feels about him, it would be now.

Taking a deep breath and with shivering fingers, she opened up the notes on her phone and sent him everything that she had been writing about - since the first day they started talking 'til that meet, everything. 

And that's how she told him about the love she had for him, since the time he had said "hello", since the time he was just a picture in her head, long before they met, long before the first sight. 

(to be continued.)

Better Days.

Is there a place where I'd belong?

Without trying to fit in, without having to give in,

A place where the wrong -

Wouldn't exist, only the right would persist.

The mental games that humans play,

The anguish instilled with the words they say,

The hatred, the rage,

Wouldn't really be anywhere,

And so, no fear -

Could ever bring me down,

No restrictions and no bounds,

Could at all be found.

In that place, I wish I could be,

In that place, I'd be free.

Is there a place where love isn't just a word?

Where there are no lies, and there are no goodbyes,

A place where the boulevards,

are to be walked down by hearts unscarred.

The tears that people cry,

The agony with which they die,

The distress, the mournfulness,

Wouldn't really be anywhere,

And so, no hurt here,

Could ever bring me down,

No pain would be so profound,

and where laughter would be the only sound.

In that place, I wish I could be,

In that place, I wish I could see,

The same world in better ways, 

The same us, living better days. 

The Savior.

Life isn't easy. Problems are a part of everyday. But its the not problems that make our lives difficult, its facing them that does.You cannot just face them alone. Being and then staying strong doesn't come naturally and everybody needs some kind of support - a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry upon, a comforting hug and a soul that can listen to you, in your times of need. Everybody has got that one person in their lives, who makes it easier for them to go on, who give them the strength to fight by just being around, all the time. When you know you can rely onto somebody, no matter how tough the situations are, you know you'll get through it, don't know how.. but someway, somehow. 

Its like that person becomes a getaway for you and you forget the entire world and its existence, when with them. You're released of all the difficulties and worries that you had been pondering over, the moment you see that one face. And you open up the book of your life to them, like they are only a part of you. Even when your world is falling apart, the thought of them brings down a calm upon you. Its just so wonderful to have somebody, whose hugs breathe into you a new hope, whose soothing words inflict in you the optimism to witness a better state of life.

This post here is to appreciate the presence of this one person in MY life who is of such help right now and I'm so sure he doesn't even know about it. He actually isn't even trying to get rid of my fears or making any such efforts to make it better, and yet there he is, being the angel that he is, the hope, who makes me look forward to a tomorrow. He's the ray of light that guides me through the array of darkness. He's the one soul I have such immense faith in, that no matter what, will never fade away. He is one person who makes me feel secure, who takes all my pain away and saves me from the rain, every single time. He's The Savior - MY Savior. And he's here to stay. :)

He'll never know.

There's this girl. Oh sure she is beautiful, there are so many guys running after her, craving for her attention. But she is dazed and she can look nowhere else as long as he is in sight. Her face lights up every time he talks to her, her smile touches her eyes when he tries being funny, her heart beats without any rhythm, her eyes sparkle as she adores the guy who has all her attention. Every time they have a conversation, she acts calm and composed, even though there's a storm raging within. Every morning when her eyes open, she reaches for the phone to check if he messaged, if he hasn't, she looks at his picture and smiles; that gives her day a good start. Every night before she falls into deep slumber, she rewinds through her day and realizes that most of the thoughts she has had, are of him. And then she wonders, does he know? 

Of course not. She realizes that she is just another friend to him or another pretty face trying to win him over. She is just a face in the crowd, in his life, unlike how he has the spotlight in hers. 

Maybe its just a crush and maybe she'll stop feeling the way that she does now. Maybe he isn't the one. 

But these thoughts don't stop her. The more she tries to make herself understand and accept the reality, the more she finds herself being in love with him. Because when he holds her hand, she feels like she belongs somewhere and when he hugs her, she wants it to last forever because the only thing in the world that scares her is that she'll never feel that safe again. Just his company makes the world look so sane. Oh how she can listen to him talk all day. 

But once in a while, she finds herself losing control. She hates all the other girls he is all so nice to. For once, she wants what she knows she deserves. She wants to be the girl who changes his life, the one who is the best thing that has ever happened to him. But he cannot be blamed for not treating her the way she should be, he doesn't even know. And will he ever know?

Will her subtle hints help him put together the pieces of the puzzle together? Or will he always be oblivious to everything? 

Maybe she should let him know. But she won't. She's scared of the reaction she might get. She doesn't want the mystery to resolve either. She doesn't want to know the other half of the story yet. Because right now, there's still a slight chance that he might actually feel the same way and whenever this thought crosses her mind, she finds herself happy.. for a while atleast. 

What he means to her cannot be explained, neither will it be ever shown. 

So he'll never know, he'll never know what he has been missing on. 

Is she disappointed? No. She is happy in the little getaway world that she has created, and even though there's a 'maybe' here and there, there's still hope, shining upon her from everywhere. :)