Wednesday, July 21, 2010

& as it rains tonight..

: I stand in my balcony all by myself.. 

watching the world race, time run & people change.

The close ones not so close anymore, they seem to be walking away slowly. 
The laughters from the past echo in my mind & the happy memories seem so distant.
Illusions are breaking, I now see a whole new world.. 
where nobody cares, nobody loves & every living soul is ruthlessly mean.
A real dark world, where hearts pour, not love but pain.

Everyone seems so busy. I feel unimportant, unwanted.
Maybe its all in my head but this phase, is a nightmare.
I'm scared.
My broken insides are now taking over & 
the fear of losing it all once again, is engulfing me.
I feel weak & so I curl up in a dark corner.
Heavy rain & roaring thunder are keeping me company.

I now think of the people I love so much - 
my family, friends & ofcourse, him. <3
I remember how profoundly they had changed my life when they first walked in. 
My friends. Best friends. Nostalgia takes over & I smile at the yesterday, 
a time that seemed so bright and so unreal.
The smile fades as I think of them now.
They are changing.. or maybe they ain't.
I'm not sure, but it scares me, losing them. 

For once, I want to be proved wrong. 
I want to see the people I'd do anything for, do the same for me.

And as it rains now, both outside & through my eyes,

he walks into my mind. A moment ago, I was breaking down

but I don't feel so anymore.
I feel the negativity drifting away, a smile lighting up my face.

Maybe I'm not so alone.. maybe there are people who I mean a lot to.
I should trust them. I do.
And his thoughts make me feel a whole lot better, I wonder what his actual 
presence might do. :)

I see mum coming to me holding two coffee mugs. I smile & wipe off the dry tears. 
I walk to her & give her a tight hug.

And its still raining, but not in my heart anymore. :)

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