Wednesday, January 26, 2011

-When I broke my own heart. ♥

A thousand wishes I had made on a thousand shooting stars,
only to get back what I had lost and to heal all my scars.
Cuz the distance that pulled us apart was something I never wanted,
and I was sorry for all the time I had taken you for granted.
They say you realize the value of something only after you lose it,
If I hadn't lost you, my love, I would never have believed it.
I knew in every way, my biggest mistake was to keep us apart..
and without you everyday, I was breaking my own heart. 

A thousand memories I had lived after we had gone our separate ways,
only to feel how you had made me feel then and to relive those days.
Cuz the love that we had for each other was out of the ordinary,
and  when I had you around, I had nothing to worry. 
The reason why things went wrong had now abated my mind, 
and all the fears and the insecurities, I had now left behind. 
I should have held on to the hope that I had from the start,
cuz without you everyday, I was breaking my own heart. 

And just after I had let a thousand tears fall, 
I knew I had to bring down this ever steepening wall -
that separated you from me, that killed me everyday, 
that shattered all our dreams, that took the faith away. 

A thousand untold feelings I was encrusted with, that I needed you to know,
If only I got to have you again, I would never let you go. 
I had to tell you how I missed you, how I needed you everyday, 
and how I was breaking my own heart when you were away. 
Even a thousand expressions couldn't have expressed,
how yr absence had made me feel so alone and distressed. 
You were all I could think of, you were all that I could see..
and when I lost you, it felt like I had lost a part of me. 

When I let a thousand words speak, you told me you felt the same, 
and that you'd do anything to live those moments again..
I now know things that I should have always known, 
we're stronger here together than we could ever be alone,
we'll grow old with each other, now there will be no more goodbyes..
we'll watch every sunrise together until the sunset of our lives. 

Friday, January 7, 2011

-Tired of being tired.

We're all walking around with those glossy eyes. "I'm just tired," we say. We're living multiple lives and having battles within, struggling to get rid of all the pain we have and yet not wanting the world to know what we're going through. Why? Because we know that explaining the pain is only gonna break us all over again. Because we are tired, but its not all from lack of sleep. We are tired of waking up with nothing to look forward to. Tired of going to bed exhausted after doing a million things that we find no enjoyment in doing. We're tired of this void, this emptiness that looms over us even when we've just so many things to do. We're tired of the loneliness even though we are surrounded by dozens of people. And we are tired of being tired. So why can't we just say it? 

Humans are so afraid to look into each other's eyes and say, "I'm unhappy, I'm broken." We've been conditioned to associate pain with weakness, sadness with coldness, loneliness with unworthiness, difference with disease, as if these feelings are contagious, as if ambivalence is something not to be felt but to be feared. 

Well, I say screw all of that. Screw all the pretending and the fake smiles and the polite handshakes and I'm fines. Screw the fear of crying in a public place, screw the fake chipper voice, screw the lies that we spit out to cover up our problems. We are humans and we are meant to feel - to feel everything and to feel it openly. We are not metal, we are flesh and bone. Our boiled blood courses through our cold, clammy hands. We are intricate and beautiful and we should never hide what we are inside, because if we do, then what's left to show?

All rights reserved. Registered & Protected