Wednesday, August 11, 2010

21st century breakdown

Don't you just hate those moments when everything, just everything seems to be falling apart ?
When you just can't control your life ? When everything that has always meant a lot to you, distances itself from you, just like that ? And who do you need the most, at such moments ? Your best friend, right ?
And what if, even he breaks you down, just like that ?

So, there comes this person.. and you become great friends. You come so close that in a few days you become inseparable. No person is of more importance to you now. You talk everyday, make amazing memories together.. and one day, one fight ruins it all. And nothing's ever going to be the same again. Ever.

I don't really know what to type & this is something that doesn't happen to me quite often.
I love writing and I can write about just anything, but this time, somehow, words don't seem to come out.
Because I'm appalled. I had NEVER expected this to happen. 
Tell me, how'd you feel when one moment, you are the most important person in someone's life and the next moment .. you are not even important ? And that too, without a good enough reason.
Best friends.. they can speak absolute shit about each other and be as close as they were, back again.
They are meant to fight.. and this relation is probably the only relation that starts and only grows, a relation that can never end. But now I know, nothing in this life can be trusted. 
No person, no relation. Anything can fall apart. Anything.
Oh, ofcourse, I do have other best friends who actually won't ever even think of doing something so brutal.. but then one such incident is enough, to break your trust or to break you, rather.
When something so devastating happens, thats when you realise how bad it actually hurts when it hurts.
Because until you don't go through this, you won't know how painful this pain truly is.
And you know what the worst part is ? The part where you get blamed for everything even though you didn't do anything.
The part where you're ready to apologize and you go, "Im sorry" and your heart keeps asking, "But what did you do?"
But you ignore that, because you're so busy trying to fix everything that you're willing to do anything.. just to bring everything back to normal.
That's what I did.. and that's why we are friends back again. 
But I'll never be able to forgive him for this.. for being so rude and accusing me of it,
for letting me go just like that and blaming me for leaving him..
for hurting me and giving me these deep scars that are never going to fade away..
for making me cry those useless tears, which were the unsaid words that I couldn't say.
I only hope that someday he will realise where he had gone wrong and regret losing me.

So, this was a one of a kind experience.. and I'll never go through something like this ever again. 
Because this breakdown was the last blow.. and there's nothing left for me to hold on to.
Trust, love, uh, what are those ? Such words don't even exist for me anymore. :)
I'll not make the same mistakes again, of making a person my world,
because they might just one day do something terrible and leave you all alone collecting the million pieces of the heart they once broke.
Now I won't let myself cause my heart so much misery, I won't let anybody hurt me anymore.
This was the final breakdown, I have learned the biggest lesson, the hard away -
to never let things get that far.


  1. surprising that your so called "friend(s)" decide to upset you in any way!
    i'll continue from the last line if you dont mind :

    "This was the final breakdown, I have learned the biggest lesson, the hard away -
    to never let things get that far."

    even if things get that far, they can never get out of hand.
    and if they slip away, they are best considered dry sand :)

    smile always!

  2. Oh, just a friend.
    Things are fine with him now, though.
    He apologized. :)

    But yes, the scars still remain.


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