-October Night ♥

It's time for the fairytale to end,

cuz to you I was never really more than a friend,

and maybe that I'll never be,

so it's better to give up & to set myself free.

But who am I fooling, I only try acting clever,

deep inside I know I'm going to love you forever.

So here I am on an october night,

searching within for a ray of light..

I'm at a place I thought I'd never be, 

I'm living in a world that's about you and me,

Engrossed in the thoughts I'm envoloped in silence,

the only sound is of my heart shattering as it hits the ground in violence.

And I'm burning on a cold winter night,

I'm struggling to win this fight..

me versus me, my only witness is the dark,

for once I fail to figure whether to carry on or to disembark.

Cuz either way my heart will only break,

and tears will fall like the million snowflakes -

and as they cover the earth in white,

I'll pretend that everything is alright.

What lies within, no one will ever know,

until spring comes, the colours won't show.

And even though I'll say you're not everything I need,

my true feelings will still lie frozen underneath..

And like a helpless baby, I'll embrace the dark and weep,

but it will always be a secret that the night will keep.

Cuz you'll see me smiling again at dawn,

when I'll make it seem like I have moved on.

There will be a time when I'll brush away the dust,

and what lies at the core will reflect on the crust..

but then I'll turn around, walk away and try -

for you to not look into my eyes for they'd never lie.

And once again I'll feel tormented by the pain,

In the end my broken heart will only crave for you again..

I'll still be making wishes at 11:11 & on shooting stars,

My mind & heart will again be fighting wars.

And a perfect smiling doll I'll be in the sunlight,

but every night from now on will be this October night. ♥

- Love will find it's way ♥

Why am I still stuck on you when you don't even want me back?

Why can't I move on and just bring my life on track?

Oh, you're still all I ever think about,

the empty spaces in my heart are only for you to grout.

And no other guy will catch my heart the way you did,

because you've been all I want right from the start - totally splendid;

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And they say, why can't you move on and give love another try? 

Just let those feelings go, it's time for a goodbye.

And in my mind I know I'll be fine,

but something else is going on inside this heart of mine..

It doesn't want me to let you go,

it won't stop me from letting the feelings grow..

and my heart wants that hope to stay;

it says this wait will pay off someday..

when love will find it's way.

What it says makes me smile and rewind,

but then what you said comes back to my mind..

it breaks my heart into pieces again,

I cry while walking down the memory lane.

Why can't you love me back and give us a try?

alone we can only walk away but together we can fly;

Just give me one chance to show what my heart thinks is true,

that I am everything you ever wanted, that I am the only one for you. 

Because I am not getting over you

and I don't care what they have to say,

I am always gonna wait for you,

and my love is here to stay;

because my heart it says that someday,

my hope will pay... and love will find it's way.

♥

-Who I've got a crush on. ♥

Tonight is here, the final moment,

its now I've gotta admit what you've always meant.

Every night you've been asking

who I've got a crush on, who's been taking my breath away,

 and everytime I'm left speechless though I've so much to say.

Now my life's going to change,

the moment I admit how I've been feeling so strange..

&& that it's you who's been doing this is to me,

now I'm gonna know if we're really meant to be.

Cuz tonight I've to let this little secret unveil 

&& tell you how you've been making me feel -

ever since the day I first saw you,

I've kinda known that we've got something to brew.

&& now you ask me who I've got a crush on, 

it's like a now or never situation,

I gotta tell you who I've got a crush on,

trust me, it's no infatuation.

But how do I let the words out, oh, I feel so nervous, 

I'm stuttering & trembling, it is kinda obvious.

Cuz you are asking me who I've got a crush on, 

who I've been falling for all this time,

and you're dying to know the name that lives in this heart of mine.

I've no idea what's coming next

but I'm finally letting my heart speak out,

Its YOU I've got a crush on,

&& its you my life is all about !

♥

-Could this be love? ♥

Sometimes I feel like there are words in my heart

that I want to speak out but cannot say out loud..

 the other times there are things that I feel 

but I cannot understand what they're all about.

& I don't know why my life is no more the same,

it's a new beginning I'm in love with & are you the one to blame?

Because I can listen to you talk all night never getting tired of hearing yr voice

because yr my angel in disguise. 

& I miss you even before we part, I wish to see you everytime we're apart.

& the sound of yr name send chills down my spine.. when I see you smile, I know I am fine.

Tell me baby, could this be love that I've gotten myself into?

Have I fallen for you even though I didn't mean to?

Because everytime I look for answers, my heart goes out of control,

Is it just the sound of my beating heart or is that love knocking at my door?

Because I feel lonely in a crowd when you're not here with me,

and when I've you along, I'm as happy as I can be.

I keep smiling to myself all the time & I keep wondering what's wrong with me,

Because something, something so beautiful, has changed my world completely.

Tell me baby, could this be love that I've gotten myself into?

Have I fallen for you even though I didn't mean to?

Because everytime I look for answers, my heart goes out of control,

Is it just the sound of my beating heart or is that love knocking at my door?

& you've become the sun that my world now revolves around, the new meaning that my life has found,

you've got my head spinning round&round, your heartbeat is now my favorite sound.

Because I've got this crush that's never gonna fade & for once I'm so not afraid -

to fall in love & to feel its magic, not worrying about the ending that could be tragic.

Now don't tell me baby that this could be love, 

because I know what it really is;

I had the answers all along, oh baby, you've got me so love sick.

I know what I've gotten myself into & I am not so confused anymore, 

because the sound of my beating heart is love, that has been knocking at my door.

♥

21st century breakdown

Don't you just hate those moments when everything, just everything seems to be falling apart ?

When you just can't control your life ? When everything that has always meant a lot to you, distances itself from you, just like that ? And who do you need the most, at such moments ? Your best friend, right ?

And what if, even he breaks you down, just like that ?

So, there comes this person.. and you become great friends. You come so close that in a few days you become inseparable. No person is of more importance to you now. You talk everyday, make amazing memories together.. and one day, one fight ruins it all. And nothing's ever going to be the same again. Ever.

I don't really know what to type & this is something that doesn't happen to me quite often.

I love writing and I can write about just anything, but this time, somehow, words don't seem to come out.

Because I'm appalled. I had NEVER expected this to happen. 

Tell me, how'd you feel when one moment, you are the most important person in someone's life and the next moment .. you are not even important ? And that too, without a good enough reason.

Best friends.. they can speak absolute shit about each other and be as close as they were, back again.

They are meant to fight.. and this relation is probably the only relation that starts and only grows, a relation that can never end. But now I know, nothing in this life can be trusted. 

No person, no relation. Anything can fall apart. Anything.

Oh, ofcourse, I do have other best friends who actually won't ever even think of doing something so brutal.. but then one such incident is enough, to break your trust or to break you, rather.

When something so devastating happens, thats when you realise how bad it actually hurts when it hurts.

Because until you don't go through this, you won't know how painful this pain truly is.

And you know what the worst part is ? The part where you get blamed for everything even though you didn't do anything.

The part where you're ready to apologize and you go, "Im sorry" and your heart keeps asking, "But what did you do?"

But you ignore that, because you're so busy trying to fix everything that you're willing to do anything.. just to bring everything back to normal.

That's what I did.. and that's why we are friends back again. 

But I'll never be able to forgive him for this.. for being so rude and accusing me of it,

for letting me go just like that and blaming me for leaving him..

for hurting me and giving me these deep scars that are never going to fade away..

for making me cry those useless tears, which were the unsaid words that I couldn't say.
I only hope that someday he will realise where he had gone wrong and regret losing me.

So, this was a one of a kind experience.. and I'll never go through something like this ever again. 

Because this breakdown was the last blow.. and there's nothing left for me to hold on to.

Trust, love, uh, what are those ? Such words don't even exist for me anymore. :)

I'll not make the same mistakes again, of making a person my world,

because they might just one day do something terrible and leave you all alone collecting the million pieces of the heart they once broke.

Now I won't let myself cause my heart so much misery, I won't let anybody hurt me anymore.

This was the final breakdown, I have learned the biggest lesson, the hard away -

to never let things get that far.

& as it rains tonight..

: I stand in my balcony all by myself.. 

watching the world race, time run & people change.

The close ones not so close anymore, they seem to be walking away slowly. 

The laughters from the past echo in my mind & the happy memories seem so distant.

Illusions are breaking, I now see a whole new world.. 

where nobody cares, nobody loves & every living soul is ruthlessly mean.

A real dark world, where hearts pour, not love but pain.

Everyone seems so busy. I feel unimportant, unwanted.

Maybe its all in my head but this phase, is a nightmare.

I'm scared.

My broken insides are now taking over & 

the fear of losing it all once again, is engulfing me.

I feel weak & so I curl up in a dark corner.

Heavy rain & roaring thunder are keeping me company.

I now think of the people I love so much - 

my family, friends & ofcourse, him. <3

I remember how profoundly they had changed my life when they first walked in. 

My friends. Best friends. Nostalgia takes over & I smile at the yesterday, 

a time that seemed so bright and so unreal.

The smile fades as I think of them now.

They are changing.. or maybe they ain't.

I'm not sure, but it scares me, losing them. 

For once, I want to be proved wrong. 

I want to see the people I'd do anything for, do the same for me.

And as it rains now, both outside & through my eyes,

he walks into my mind. A moment ago, I was breaking down

but I don't feel so anymore.

I feel the negativity drifting away, a smile lighting up my face.

Maybe I'm not so alone.. maybe there are people who I mean a lot to.

I should trust them. I do.

And his thoughts make me feel a whole lot better, I wonder what his actual 

presence might do. :)

I see mum coming to me holding two coffee mugs. I smile & wipe off the dry tears. 

I walk to her & give her a tight hug.

And its still raining, but not in my heart anymore. :)

Untitled.

Its just another day & I'm standing here,

next to you, catching glimpses of you..

you talk all the way & things get clear,

walking along, I'm feeling something true..

Oh boy, I think I'm in love with you.

Uh oh.

And in a moment my world has changed,

a whole new me, a whole new you,

I feel I can fly. .

Oh wait, I already flew.

But you don't yet know

the things going inside of me..

And I search yr eyes for that sparkle,

and after a while, I seeee..

The way you look at me & the way you say my name,

I fall for you over & over again.

My heart is racing, it wants you to know..

That yr the one for me & I love you so.

That my day begins with you & I sleep in yr thoughts,

That I'm in love with you & I love you a lot.

That if you ever walk away, I'm gonna cry. 

That I live for you & for you I'd die.

So I finally cross my fingers & I smile but a fear lingers..

I confess.. but it only turns out to be a mess. 

Coz you are not in love with me,

and what I thought was only my fantasy.

Though you say I'm the most important person

& that I mean a lot to you,

it won't make up for this heart that has been torn..

It will always belong to you.

You say, " Can't we be Bff's? "

I die a lil inside & say that we are..

so close & yet so far.

Always together, best friends forever,

& that's all we're ever gonna be.
You don't even notice how broken I am
or care to fall back for me.
Instead you ask me to make this feeling go away,
don't you know its here to stay?

And yet a part of me doesn't give up, 

it says you feel something too..

& someday, out of nowhere

you'll hold my waist & pull me close

& say that you love me & that you always have.

There still lies a hope.

And here's another day & I'm standing here.. 

waiting for you,

with some hope & with some fear. .

♥♥